Relationship terms
On June 28 of 2000, we had a poly discussion on the topic of “Degrees (or levels) of relationships”. As an opening exercise, we did a brainstorming session to come up with a list of all the words and phrases we could think of to describe different kinds and levels of relationships (deliberately leaving “relationship” a bit ambiguous, but in a poly context). We wrote them down on a whiteboard, and I promised to transcribe them right away. And here they are, only four months later! I’m so proud of myself!
At the bottom are a few additional terms that people suggested via email.
- primary
- secondary
- tertiary
- husband
- wife
- um-friend
(“This is Joe, my, um, friend.”) - partner
- life partner
- housemate
- soulmate
- love-of-my-life
- significant other
- POSSLQ
(From a US Census term introduced a census or two ago: “Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters”. Heterocentric, of course.) - fuckmate
- fuck buddy
- sex toy
- chew toy
- boy toy
- comet
(somebody who comes really close for a short period of time) - spouse/spice
- love, in love (not nouns, but oh well)
- “just” friends
- old man
- old lady
- friends
- “friends”
- close friend
- meteor
- true love
- intentional immediate family
- intentional extended family
- sweetie
- honey
- ungetaken
(this is sort of “lover-in-law”; a friend of mine [Jay’s] told me it was an Eskimo word for the lover of one’s lover, but I don’t know what specific language it is or how to spell it) - lovemuffin
- kin
- crush
- girlfriend/boyfriend
- fiancé(e)
- somebody I’m seeing
- coparent
- family
- tribe
- clan
- pack
- betrothed
- main squeeze
- “my people”
- “pal”
- mate
- lover
- VGF
(Very Good Friend) - intimate friend
- acquaintance
- water-sibling
(from Heinlein, I think from Stranger in a Strange Land) - cosominator
(cosominating is “sleeping together”, but without a sexual implication) - paramour
- adopted sibling
- workmate
- chosen family
- vayalim
(This was Sean’s term, from an SF novel) - “Oh no, we’re just friends!”
(I don’t remember what that one was about) - dating/date
- buddy
- trick
- pet
- slave
- master
- sub/conquest
- victim
- movie partner
- fling
- relationship
- conference buddy
- TOCOTOX
(Too Complicated to Explain) - activity partner
- cuddle buddies
- cuddle bunnies
- stalker/stalkee
- capital-R Relationship
- small-r relationship
- energy [illegible]
- Monster
- imaginary friend
As you can see, these aren’t terribly consistent as to part of speech, but it was basically a brainstorming session. See something missing from the list? Send me mail at <js+poly@aq.org> and I’ll add it.
Here are some additional terms people have suggested:
- compa (kohm-pah): life companion, mate (coined by Lisa P.)
- kine (kee-nay): very loved one, could be a lover, or someone you might sleep with but don’t have sex with, someone who feels like a sweetheart (coined by Lisa P.)
- love monkey
- friends with benefits
- friends with rights (translated from Spanish)
- seductive friendship